The Big-inning

I have battled with dieting for so many years now. I have carb dieted, counted calories, and been on Weight Watchers so many times just since graduating high school. I have had success getting the weight off, sometimes 20 pounds and sometimes 40-50 pounds, but never did I keep it off, and I always managed to gain back a few extra.

At the beginning of 2011 I decided to go on a diet. I was ready because I was bigger than I had ever been, even when I was about to pop out my daughter, Emmerson. I worked out a lot, counted all of my calories, and watched the pounds come off. I ended up getting my tonsils out at the end of January and there were a couple weeks were I barely ate. I dropped a lot of weight then and was feeling great about myself when I got all heeled up. But, true to form, I was able to eat again, so I did....and gained most of my weight back.

My sister and her girlfriend joined Weight Watchers just over a month ago and one night we were all talking about how great it is. My mom decided she would support me in doing it, as long as I played secretary and helped her track points so that she could do it, too. The deal was, I would go to the meetings and bring home all of the goodies and information and help her with it, and she would pay for it. I have been wanted to go back on Weight Watchers for years now, but I cannot bring myself to pay for something like that when 40 bucks a month could buy diapers. But, my mom, who always supports me, is helping me out.

I went to my first meeting on Saturday and I told myself that this time it will be different. I began compiling a list of reasons why I need to take the weight off.

• I can feel my stomach constantly. It is huge and flabby and droopy and NOTHING I wear conceals it. It has to go, soon.
• I cannot stand getting my picture taken now because I am scared of seeing it and getting that miserable feeling where I hate myself for days because of how I look.
• I student teach (FINALLY) in the Fall and I want to feel my best while I do it.
• I can feel my CHIN on my neck. Seriously....that is gross.
• I know that I can feel and look good, this fat is just covering all of that up.
• I am involved in 3 weddings in the next year and a half and I have to look better than the brides, duh! ;)
• When I see people out somewhere I hide my face so the don't notice me. Not because I do not want to chit chat because I find any excuse for a long conversation. I hide because I am ashamed of myself. I do  not like how I look, and though I was never thin and gorgeous, I let a lot of myself go and I want that back. 

Those are just some of the reasons I am doing this. I do not want this to come off as a pity party because I do not need pity, I just want support and encouragement from whoever decides to follow my blog. And, even if I am the only person who ends up reading this, I will have a journal of my thoughts and hopes and hopefully will stay on task.

This is me now....

Me and one of my best friends in the world, Janon. I was even wearing Spanx...annnnd that was after losing the weight this year.

I know I will never be a supermodel or a size 0. I don't want to be, either. I just want to feel comfortable and fabulous. I want to be proud of myself rather than ashamed. From here on out, I will be. I am doing this not only for myself, but for my little girl, Emmerson, who will now have a confident mother walking by her side.